Dear can of honey roasted peanuts in my pantry,
I love you. I love you a lot. You are not good for me. And yet, I can’t stop.
I remember purchasing you over a week ago for a party and then putting the leftovers back in the can and returning you to the pantry. How could I go an entire week with out you? I realized today that your label was turned towards the back and I actually forgot about you for several days.
But today? Today you were found. Like a child who has found a lost puppy (or maybe just a lost sock), I greeted you and immediately wanted to become reacquainted. But alas, within 10 minutes, I had eaten half of what remained in the can without even realizing it. I had to put you away.
But just now, I opened your can again and proceeded to tell myself, “Just a couple more. I can stop any time.” But I didn’t. again.
What is it about you that makes you so irresistible? I have had this problem my entire life. I am weak. I cannot be near you at parties. You are definitely not present in my house on a normal basis. I just can’t control myself. Is it the honey? Is it the roasted-ness? I may never know. Actually, I don’t need to know. I just need to stop.
And therefore, can of honey roasted peanuts, I am making a vow today that I will never again purchase your kind. I bid you adieu and may your sweet, honey roasted-ness haunt some other poor soul looking for a snack.
Your friend no more,
Martha
