here we go again!

I know it's been awhile and that does NOT mean that things have not been crazy. In fact, it has been the norm - not the exception. But this morning in particular, I nearly died!!

We were all packed in the car (William, Ryan, diaper bag, backpack, lunch box, and me!), the temperature hovering around 35 degrees (I live in Texas for crying out loud! this is not normal!), ready to pull out and take Will to school this morning when William pipes up from the back seat in his most calm voice, "Mommy, I want to talk to you for a minute."

I had a millisecond thought that my almost-three-year-old-crazy-child had been replaced by a mature, sophisticated adult adult. Then I turned around and saw him sitting there in his fleece hat with ear flaps and snapped back to reality. I politely replied, "What did you want to talk about honey", honestly expecting him to lead off with, "I've decided to pursue my interest in international affairs". Instead, I got...

... "About when I go poo-poo in my diaper."

ah, yes. that's more like it! I said, "What did you want to say about that?" He stayed quiet for a second or two and our conversation digressed to the topic of using the potty instead of diapers, etc,etc. (yes! we are still potty training! any hints?!)

but seriously! "Mommy, I want to talk to you for a minute." Who's kid is this?!

Crazy goes out to eat

let me just throw this out there....

When in a restaurant, and you ask for an extra napkin because you have used your own to make a temporary bib for you toddler son who, while feeding himself beans and rice, has managed to get it EVERYWHERE, it is normal for the waitress to bring you a cute little stack of paper cocktail napkins and say with an oh-so-perky voice, "Here ya go!"?
Is it normal to say in a restaurant, "no, not THOSE napkins. I need a real napkin. thanks."

Is it normal for the people sitting behind you to say, quite loudly so all can hear, when you get your food, "They got our food. That's what we ordered and we were here before them!"

Is it normal for the waitress to bring out the food, then 5 minutes later bring out the bowl you need to actually serve the food to your toddler?

Is it normal for a waitress to directly look at your glass of water that has had only one sip taken out of it and earnestly ask, "Would you like a refill?"

Is it normal to say, "Honey, you defnitely better do this!" when the bill comes and you know if you even LOOK at the line that says "gratuity" you might actually yell across the restaurant, "SERIOUSLY!!"

It is a good thing that I absolutely LOVE the food at Desperado's because otherwise..... well, let's just not go there.

Open up the Bottle... Here comes Crazy!

Here we go again! Yeah, it's been awhile.

First submission for today.... Since when did my baby turn into an Oompa Loompa?

Second submission...

This is a caption contest! Leave your comment for what should be written for this photo.

I'll start:
"What could possibly be on TV that requires Lucy's eyes to be shielded while the little man has a full view?"

Weekly Helping of Crazy

It's that time again....

Well, last night I went to feed the dogs and discovered, alas, there was no dog food. I could not go to the store because Will was already asleep and Mike wasn't home.
What is a girl to do?


option 1: not feed them
problem: they are super-annoying when they are hungry and they KNOW when it is time to eat

option 2: wake up William and go get food
problem: do I LOOK stupid? (well, actually you can't see me - but I promise, I am NOT that dumb)

option 3: find something else for them to eat
this had to be the solution... but what was I going to feed them? I was NOT going to waste our expensive lunchmeat (and, yes, comparatively speaking, lunchmeat IS expensive!) on those fools

my solution (and this is where it gets good - so read carefully!) was to get the chicken scraps from dinner THAT WERE ALREADY BURIED IN THE TRASHCAN, crumble a few saltine crackers on top, and voila! dog food

for the record, neither dog has gotten sick and I think they rather enjoyed it! ha! (I swear, though, that I saw Lucy give me a dirty look)

Open up the Bottle again!

Well, folks, it's time for our weekly installment. (actually, I have no idea if I am doing this on the same day every week or not... whatever....)

I have noticed that other helpful and with-it bloggers out there have weekly features that focus on meals for your kids, nice recipes, do-it-yourself projects, even weight loss. me? no. we talk about crazy.

let me first set the scene. a gorgeous Saturday afternoon at the local (and by local I mean gi-normous suburbia-like) pumpkin patch. a wonderful picnic lunch (and by picnic, I mean that we brought Subway sandwiches to the pumpkin patch) with the little family. letting little man run around crazy through the petting zoo, the pumpkin fields, and various other attractions.

becoming parched, I take a a sip of Cherry Coke out of the 20 oz. bottle opened during the aforementioned picnic.

oh.

no.

there is something BESIDES Cherry Coke in my mouth.

spit, stupid! spit it out all over yourself and all over the ground! now!

people looked. lots of people looked. Mike at that moment thought I might have finally lost it.

as I realize that people (lots of people) are watching a grown woman spit Cherry Coke all over the sidewalk on purpose, I realize the need to explain myself and save some face.

so, what do I do? I yell, really loudly, "There was a BEE in my Cherry Coke!"

yeah, that did it! there is NO WAY people will think I am crazy now...

evidence:

See! Right there in the middle of all the Cherry Coke is the bee!

(and, because I have decided to write my own sentence to the looney bin, I decided to take a picture of it!)

This Week's Special:

Free dog with each purchase of Crazy! (seriously! any takers on these fools?!)

Opening up the bottle...

That's right, folks! It's time to open up the Bottle of Crazy again and see what comes out. I submit the following:

Double-fisting it - oh yeah, he gets mad when he doesn't have both of them...


To get the full effect of this one, click on the picture. Do you see all that goo on his face. Our labradror, Abbie, slimed him. Think Ghostbusters and do you remember Slimer? Yeah, just like that.


Way to go! What a great mom you are! You are teaching the little man how to clean!
Not so fast.
This is the little man's favorite toy. Uh huh. He carries it around and scrapes stuff with it. The only way we get it away from him is to hide it after he falls asleep. That gives us many days of peace because Lord knows I do not clean with that thing very often.

Well, until next time, if you have any moments from your own Bottle of Crazy that you would like to share, please do! Because if I am the only one who ever has these moments/feelings, I have more problems that I thought!

Open for business!

Well, folks, I have been contemplating this for some time. I have been a little "crafty" lately and I have thought I might be able to make a little extra $$ if I tried to sell some of it. I proudly present to the first product offered by Life of Preston:





That's right! Get it before it's gone! We are selling CRAZY! No preservatives. No additives. All natural. You can even call it organic if you want.


A bottle of crazy from Life of Preston has been known to cause the following side effects:


crabiness:












temporary blindness:














random wearing of helmets:






moving faster than the speed of light (at least faster than the shutter speed on the camera):



I have decided that this will become a weekly event: Opening up the Bottle of Crazy once a week and letting a little dribble out.

So, in honor of the initial offering of Bottle of Crazy, I proudly present the moment of the week:


I asked (aka told) Mike to go to Luby's for dinner the other night. If you don't know Luby's, too bad for you. Long story short: cafeteria-style, lots of real food (no hamburgers or french fries here), not-so-much ambiance, and lots of old people (sorry mom and dad!). I like it. Mike does not. So we went.

So I decided it was high-time that William start to feed himself more. I wanted to eat too so we let him go at it with the mashed potatoes. The kid screamed for both of his toddler utensils (spoon AND spork) so we gave them to him. And what did he do?


Don't you wish you could double-fist your dinner and eat mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese at the same time? (For the record, the macaroni and cheese was Mike's)


My MOST proud moment, however, was when Will realized he could stick the spoon in the potatoes and it would stand up straight. He did that, threw both his hands into the air and screamed at the top of his lungs, "TA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Way to go, son!
At one point, Mike asked why all these old people (again, sorry mom and dad) come to Luby's. I told him it was probably to get away from people like us.
Towards the end of the meal, one of the bus people came over and gave Will a balloon. Yes, I sat and watched as the very large, strange man tied a string in a knot around my son's wrist.

Mike swore he wil never go back to Luby's. I'd eat there every night if I could.