Thoughts on faith, doubt, and apprehension

So life has taken a turn in the last week or so and it has also revealed a few other things. Last Monday I received a phone call from our district's director of elementary curriculum. Long story short, I have a new job! great professional opportunity, but lots of mixed emotions.
1. guilt - I am leaving my campus only 3 weeks before school starts, and I actually LOVE the job I had
2. excitement - this new position appears to be right in line with some of my eventual career goals
3. apprehension - my new job is literally a NEW job. it was created this summer and as of yet, does not yet have a job description, which leads me to my point....

I have come to the realization that I am a girl who needs a plan. I am most comfortable when I know what I am supposed to do. In the absence of a plan, I am more than happy (in fact I thrive on it!) to make my own plan provided that either 1) I can do whatever I want or 2) I know what the end goal should be. This new job has no plan. I cannot do whatever I want and as of right now, I do not know what the goal is. Hence, the apprehension. I know that all these things will be worked out, but as I wait for the plan, I have come to another realization.
I am a not a girl who sits around and waits. I am in limbo and there is not a darn thing I can do about it. I am not in control of the situation. And for anyone who knows me, you can understand how extremely difficult it was to come to this realization.

Pastor Russ talked about doubt in his sermon at church this past Sunday. Doubt is okay. Doubt is normal. (Click here to listen to the whole thing). The scripture (Mark 9:14-24) was about a man who was asking Jesus to heal his son. At one point the man told Jesus, "I believe. Help my unbelief." Here is where I find myself as well. I believe in God and his grace and mercy. I have too many blessings to count in my life and each one is because of God's goodness. But even then, there is doubt. I don't often put God in charge. Let me rephrase that. I don't often acknowledge that God is in charge. He is "running the show" regardless of what I do and I can find peace and assurance in the fact that he will guide me and watch over me.

And that is what I am working on these days: I believe. Help my unbelief.

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